Number Six

Four

2008-08-22T12:13:00.001-05:00

Your result for The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test...

4- the Individualist

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR (aka "The Romantic")

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a FOUR

my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
my ability to establish warm connections with people
admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
being unique and being seen as unique by others
having aesthetic sensibilities
being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a FOUR

experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
feeling guilty when I disappoint people
feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
expecting too much from myself and life
fearing being abandoned
obsessing over resentments
longing for what I don't have

FOURs as Children Often

have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
are very sensitive
feel that they don't fit in
believe they are missing something that other people have
attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

FOURs as Parents

help their children become who they really are
support their children's creativity and originality
are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

I'm A Cool Nerd

2008-08-20T18:34:00.001-05:00

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test...

Modern, Cool Nerd

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

Congratulations!

Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Take The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test at HelloQuizzy

----------------
Now playing: Tai Chi Melody - 88 Pattern Of Tai Chi Chuan
via FoxyTunes

English Genius! :)

2008-08-20T11:32:00.000-05:00

Your result for The Commonly Confused Words Test...

English Genius

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

Take The Commonly Confused Words Test at HelloQuizzy

2008-04-15T09:23:00.001-05:00

Juno comes out on DVD today! Guess what Adam and I will be doing tonight. :)

It'll be nice to watch it without having a rip-roaring sore throat. All three times I saw it late last year, I was also suffering from that horrid infection.

2008-03-19T00:18:00.001-05:00

I'm here, in Chicago. Unpacking like crazy. Weirded out by the driving and try to avoid it when possible. I'll feel so much better once I'm all settled in.

2008-03-18T10:56:00.000-05:00

Your Spelling is Perfect

You got 10/10 correct.

Your spelling is excellent. You also have a great memory and eye for detail.

How's Your Spelling?

2008-03-01T11:29:00.003-06:00

The move date is finalized!

March 17, 2008!!!

That means three weeks from now, I'll be living in Chicago for good. No more tearful goodbyes at the airport. No more scratching my brain trying to figure out how to pack for the Chicago weather and not have to check bags. No more psycho neighbors.

Guess who is a little bit nervous, a lot excited, and feels bittersweet about the whole thing? :O

2008-02-12T23:52:00.000-06:00

Updated just a bit to reflect new hair length. :)

2008-02-01T19:08:00.000-06:00

It's been quite a while, hasn't it?

A lot's happened since I last wrote. Looks like November was the last time. Wow, and here it is, already February 2008. I've been spending most of my time at my Live Journal, and most of my readership is there, so I don't really know what to write here!

Hmm, so a quick rundown. Right then.

November
I went to Atlanta for a combination Thanksgiving/Christmas celebration titled Thanksmas, and celebrated it with Adam's family. I stayed there from 11/19 until 11/24 and it was awesome. The only bad thing was the sore throat, which was the start of several weeks of severe pain for me. :(

December

I went to New York City with Adam! I got to see RENT, the tree at Rockefeller Center, and got to hang out with my friend Wanda. It was really cool, even though I was again, sick.
I turned 33, saw the movie Juno three times, and ate Jeni's ice cream for the first time.
Adam spent a week with me. We visited my mom for Christmas, and hung out with little Aidan, and generally just had a great time together. I loved having him here.
I got a new computer for Christmas!!!
Aidan turned five, the best age ever!!!

January
Jetted off to Chicago for the long MLK weekend and gorged myself on America's Next Top Model and froze my booty off. Adam and I also started doing some cleaning and rearranging to the apartment that will soon be ours.

My sore throat finally stopped hurting at the level at which it was. It was horrible. The thought of it brings back scary pain-filled memories, and I am so scared it's going to come back. I am not even sure what exactly caused it, but I don't ever want it again.

2008 is huge for me. I'm moving to Chicago, I'm getting married, and life will be crazy. At least three major life changes this year in store for me, because I will need to find a new job. Which is crazy, I know, with us heading into a recession. But I have to leap now, or I'll always find a reason to stay here, where it's safe. And where I'm alone.

My hair is a wreck. A hot mess. I really wish I could go to a salon and have someone give it the help it so desperately needs, but for what I get, it'll cost me at least $75 and with my budget being so iffy, with it looking like I owe the IRS AGAIN this year (grrrr) and with me trying to save all I can so I can move, I just can't justify the expense, no matter how crazy my hair looks. That's what ponytail holders are for.

A massage would be really nice, too....

Okay. Later.

2007-11-07T18:02:00.000-06:00

Your need for fairness is strong now and that could mean that you're all fired up -- or that you're ready to bring the heightened tensions down a few notches. One way or another, things will go your way.

Yes. Let's just say that I'm pissed off and fed up and someone other than me is going to pay for it, for once.

2007-11-03T11:25:00.001-05:00

I wish people would stop using I as an object pronoun. It drives me crazy. People overcorrecting the usuage of me as a subject. So, I see things such as "My mom and I" as the caption for a photo, when it should be "My mom and me." I see this all the time, but I don't say anything because well, being a grammer nazi isn't all that cool and well, who cares? Except me, of course. *sigh*

2007-11-03T09:47:00.000-05:00

Between the Nyquil that is still wearing off, the fact that I had to pee every 45 minutes, and Aidan wetting the bed this morning, I didn't get a lot of sleep.

I feel lousy.

But getting a hug and kiss from Aidan is a big help. :)

So is rereading a really good Erma Bombeck book.

2007-10-30T14:10:00.000-05:00

Ugh. Today is DRAGGING. At 9:30 this morning, it felt like it should have been lunchtime.

The city smelled extra bad this morning. Periodically, the air will just... reek, like a toilet or something. Today was one of those days, and ick.

Work is uncomfortable today. I'm too warm, which RARELY happens, and all I've been doing all day is checking off vocabulary words. My mind is about to melt from the boredom. My pages are due tomorrow, I REALLY hope they come in. When I have something that's challenging, the day goes much more quickly, and I feel like I'm contributing a lot more. As of now, I cannot check off another vocabulary list.

It's a slow email day, a slow work day, a slow, slow day. But I bet that once the clock hits 4:15pm, the time will speeeeeed up. >:(

Word of Advice: Never start reading a really good book during lunch. The afternoon will take that much longer to pass.

2007-10-17T15:54:00.000-05:00

1. How old were you when you got your first library card?
Eleven or so, I think. Can't remember.

2. What's the first book you can remember reading from a library?
Some book that I colored all over even though I was told not to. I was about five or six, and it was from the school library. I thought I was being nice.

3. Did you ever participate in a summer reading program or other kids' event at a library growing up?
Not at a library. I did BookIt! through my school when I was in 3rd grade.

4. Do you remember when card catalogues weren't computerized?
Yes.

5. When was the last time you went to the library?
I dropped some stuff on Monday.

6. How many books do you usually check out of the library at one time?
At least five.

7. Name one great author you've discovered at your library.
Cherry Whytock

8. What was the librarian at your elementary school like?
I can't remember my primary librarian, but I do remember my 4–6th grade librarian. She was interesting. My high school librian(s) hated me because I was so disruptive, especially if anyone mentioned anything about Joe McIntyre having a girlfriend.

9. How many times a year do you go to the library?
At least 50.

10. If you could change on thing about your library, what would it be and why?
I dunno. It's a pretty cool place. Everything's computerized, the reserve system is great, The teen section is good, and check-out is also computerized. You can pay overdue fines online. It's a swanky system. I'm going to miss it when I move to Chicago.

2007-10-15T16:31:00.001-05:00

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A: A wallpaper of Adam and me.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A: There is one in the living room, and one in the closet.

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right-handed.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. II once had a baby removed from my body. Does that count?

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. The dentist says my back teeth are soft and that some are coming.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. Aidan.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No.

BULLSHITTOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I wouldn't change it. I go by "Ronni" anyway, so yeah.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Pink, brown, teal, green, red. I think I look okay in almost every color.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Yes.

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. Not that I'm aware of.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Yes, those nurses at the hospital back when I went into complications while I was in labor with Aidan. And a guy on the suicide prevention hotline back in 1998.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Yes. As long as Adam is okay with it.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. No.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Doubt it.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. I doubt anyone would ask me to do such a thing.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. No. I don't like hot sauce.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Absolutely not.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: I'm in my lounging clothes. No pockets.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. I thought it was funny.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Carpet.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: Not if I'm not married to him.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: About five, I think.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: October 2005.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Not struggling with money all the time.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A: Adam.

Q: Last person who called you?
A: Adam.

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Aidan.

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 19.

Q: Season?
A: Autumn.

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Yes.

Q: Mood?
A: Cranky.

Q: Listening to?
A: My typing, the fan, the neighbor's crappy music.

Q: Watching?
A: Nothing.

Q: Worrying about?
A: What do you think?

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: The bathroom.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Move to Chicago and marry Adam.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Rent.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Not as much as I used to.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I can be. I'm also very introverted at times. Depends on my mood.

2007-09-18T09:11:00.001-05:00

:)

Adam and I are totally getting married!

Wheeeee!

2007-09-11T18:29:00.000-05:00

♥ ♥ ♥

He makes me so happy.

2007-08-19T12:37:00.001-05:00

Every once in a while, the horoscopes are dead on:

Dear Ronica,
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, August 19:

You're a little cranky, but that's just a sign that you need to slow down and process all the big emotional business that has been happening in your life lately. Try to find some quiet time to zone out.

2007-08-18T09:23:00.000-05:00

100

1. The next person you'll hold hands with; will it mean anything?
It'll be Aidan and it'll be to keep him from running off in a parking lot, most likely.

2. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No.

3. Have you ever drank alcohol straight from the bottle?
Years ago.

4. Do you think you're old?
Not really, but I do think I should be more accomplished than I am now.

5. Are you afraid of the dark?
Every once in a while I'll get a little freaked out.

6. Do you like your life right now?
When am I ever satisfied? But for the most part, I'm okay.

7. When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
A couple nights ago. Probably will tonight, too.

8. Do you knock on wood?
No, it's hard to find real wood to knock on these days.

9. Do you have good vision?
It's meh.

10. Can you hula hoop?
No. Adam can, though.

11. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I can forgive others, but not myself. And I'll never forget.

12. Do you have a job?
Yes.

15. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No.

16. Have you ever crawled through a window?
No.

17. B!#$%.
Okay.

18. Can you handle the truth?
Sometimes.

19. What was the most recent thing you bought?
An enchilada from El Vaquero.

20. Are you listening to music?
No.

21. Where are you?
At home.

22. How often do you talk on the phone?
About twice a week.

23. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Yes.

25. Are you in a complicated relationship?
The only complicated thing is that he lives 400 miles from me.

26. Do you hate more than 3 people?
No.

27. Have you ever tripped someone?
No.

28. Name one thing that is always on your mind?
Money issues.

29. Do you like your name?
It's okay.

30. Ever stolen anything?
What do you think?

31. Name your favorite animal?
Giraffe.

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
I don't think I've ever made one, I've witnessed them being made, though. Hilarious. It's fun trying to keep a straight face so as not to distract the caller.

33. Are you sarcastic?
Sometimes.

34. Have you ever slapped someone?
Not that I recall.

35. Do looks matter?
Yes. Yes, they do.

36. Do you use chapstick?
Sometimes.

37. Are you too forgiving?
I don't know.

38. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes.

39. Do you own a gun?
No.

41. When was the last time you cried?
The last time I remember was last Thursday (8/8).

42. Olive Garden?
You buying?

43. Have you ever been in a castle?
No.

44. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
No.

45. Do you like your hair?
...

47. Do you like yourself?
Sometimes.

48. Are you closer to your mother or father?
Mother.

49. Have you ever stripped?
In private.

51. Do you chat on AIM often?
No. I use the messenger inside of AOL and only a very few people can contact me on it.

52. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Yes. :(

53. Full House or Brady Bunch?
Brady Bunch.

54. Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
Yes. He was always getting me to apply for programs and scholarships and stuff.

55. Has anyone ever called you a tease?
No.

56. Do you have any scars?
Yes.

57. Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships.

58. Have you seen all the Rocky movies?
No.

59. Who was the last person that made you cry?
Made me cry? I don't know. Probably Aidan.

60. Ever wish upon a star?
Yes.

61. Where is your dad right now?
Dunno.

62. Last time you kissed someone?
Last Thursday.

63. Got Milk?
No. Ew.

64. Last person you text messaged?
Adam. He never answered. >.<

65. What kind of phone do you have?
Razr.

68. What are you listening to?
Nothing.

69. What do you smell like?
I imagine I smell like I just got out of bed, which I did.

70. What color are your eyes?
Hazel.

71. Have you ever done a Chinese fire drill?
No, but Tami was in her car in front of me once, and she did one and it was hilarious!

72. What color is your bedroom floor?
Beige.

73. Do you have a chair in your room?
No.

75. Do you know someone named Betsy?
No.

76. What color is your mom's hair?
Black.

78. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
Yes.

79. Are you married?
No.

80. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
...

81. Do you play an instrument?
No.

82. Do you like fire?
It's warm.

83. Are you allergic to anything?
Yes.

84. What is your favorite smell?
Popcorn, fries, Aidan, spring, autumn, wood smoke, Adam

86. Have you ever been to a spa?
Yes.

87. Did you take science all four years of high school?
No.

88. Do you like butterflies?
Yes.

89. Do you miss someone right now?
Yes.

90. Do you think that person misses you too?
Yep. Fewer than two weeks 'til I see him again. :)

91. Have you ever seen your school counselor?
Yes.

92. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Yes.

93. What is one thing you've learned about life?
Expect the unexpected.

94. Whats your favorite color?
Pink.

95. Is anyone jealous of you?
I doubt it.

96. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
No.

97. What does your mom call you?
Ronni. Among the other names she's called me over the years:
Spaghetti, Oblette, Obby, Gobba-Gee, Skinny-Minny

98.What does you hair look like right now?
A hot mess.

99. Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend?
Yes.

100. What have you eaten today?
Nothing. I just got up, remember?

2007-08-04T21:10:00.000-05:00

I feel popular!

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be having brunch with an old college roommate. And meeting up with my ex-boyfriend and his wife. Oh, and hitting the Fair with Angelo for a few hours. Monday, hitting the Fair again with Chris, Aidan, and Craig. Late Monday, Adam comes into town and I'll be with him the next three days (not long enough!!). Thursday evening, I'm going to see Harry Potter (again) with a co-worker. Busy busy busy!

I have to take lots and lots of pictures. :)

2007-07-26T14:12:00.001-05:00

I am actually physically pissed off at how slowly this day is going.

2007-07-25T20:00:00.001-05:00

This is annoying.

The fact that the entire system shut down when I put in a picture CD is not okay.

My browser (Flock) is the only thing responding at the moment. And it takes about ten minutes to get this thing up and running again, so I'm not keen on rebooting.

*sigh*

2007-07-24T21:44:00.000-05:00

Live Journal is down at the moment, so I am posting here. Not that I have much to say or anything.

I've decided to do the 101 in 1001 thing. I've been compiling the list for a few days now, and I'd considered putting together a special Web page for it at Anywhere Is, but we'll see. I'll probably just do one on here. Another Blogger page. Heh.

The computer is lagging a bit, but it's not as slow as it can be at times. The screen on my laptop is going. I just have to back up a few things, then I'm going to take it in soon. I have that three-year service plan, so I should hope I'd get a brand new computer. That whole issue with the scalding hot power adapter does not sit well with me either. It's dangerously hot.

I need a new laptop anyway. I think it's time. Again, I just have to back up some music (I think it might be backed up, actually) and a few graphics and documents, clear off all the sensitive data, and I should be all set. If the plan does indeed cover a new laptop due to the screen going out, then YAY. I can get a new one sooner than I anticipated.

But we'll see. These days, seems like big companies don't want to do anything but rip people off.

The lagging is annoying me, so I'm gonna run. Bedtime anyway. Byeeee.

2007-07-23T10:45:00.000-05:00

Despite all the stuff going on in July, this month's creeped by. I think it has to do with the fact that Adam is coming to visit in two weeks, and that just seems like an eternity away. July just seems to have an extra week more than other months. *sigh*

Well, someday, I'll be living in Chicago, so I won't feel like I'm constantly WAITING for something boring or obligatory to be over so I can get to the fun stuff—the stuff that never lasts long enough. I'm not going to lie. Waiting 6–8 weeks to see someone for 3 days sucks, and it's very frustrating. Waiting for the weekends, those days that speed by in the blink of an eye. Or waiting two weeks for payday when I don't really get to enjoy the money as it all goes to bills and rent and gas and food. Yes, I spend a lot of time feeling frustrated.

But oh well. That's life for now. Always waiting, never satisfied.

Even though I try. I try to latch on to the little things that come up here and there so I won't feel like I'm waiting for stuff that's so far off it's still pretty much a pipe dream. But even still, looking forward to those little things means MORE waiting.

I'm tired of waiting. I want to LIVE.

Finished the new Harry Potter book. All I'm going to say is that I'm happy with how things turned out.

2007-07-09T20:43:00.000-05:00

Today is only Monday, isn't it?

Fartknock.

But Monday is almost over for me, at any rate. Then it'll be Tuesday. Then it'll be time to watch the new Harry Potter movie. Whee.

I got interesting mail today.

I had to clean everything out of one of the bookcases in Aidan's room so the plumber could have access to the wall panel. Something huge got stuck in the drain and they have to bring out the big guns to get it, I suppose. Not only that, but I'm tired of the neighbor's crap draining into my tub. Ew.

I am frustrated beecause my place is a mess. And to mess something up that had been someone organized is annoying. But at least they'll fix the drains, I hope.

I hate fruit flies. I also hate looking pregnant.

I love spaghetti, and lavendar, though. In fact, my mouth wants spaghetti now. But seeing the way I look right now—yeah, I'm gonna resist.

I wish I could afford organic and natural products. Foods, lotions, soaps, all that.

I want to read Small Town Girl again but I'm not sure where I put the book. It might be buried in the trunk of my car. That is a scary thought.

Bath, then bed time.

2007-07-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

Happy July 4th!

2007-06-30T19:11:00.000-05:00

The last day of June 2007 is coming to a close. Time is so weird. On a micro scale (i.e. the workday) it seems to creep by. On a macro scale, it's flying. I mean, 2007 is half over already. Crazy.

Only one year and two weeks 'til I move to Chicago.

2007-06-26T07:22:00.001-05:00

Your Score: ellipsis

You scored 46% Sociability and 70% Sophistication!

Your life can be difficult because of your insecurities, but you should know that it isn't your fault. YOU didn't ask to be thrown in around thirty times per page in every bodice-ripper on the shelf! Those who overuse you can kiss your . . . you know. You need to learn to hold your head high and glory in your solitude. You really do have excellent, scholarly tastes. You must never forget that your friend, the period, will be there to support you at the end of every sentence where you truly belong, and, if what is left out is as important as what is said, why, then you are as vital as the alphabet!

Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

2007-06-25T21:55:00.000-05:00

It's incredible and downright frustrating how time works. Of course, it's all relative, I know that. But it doesn't make me less annoyed that waiting six weeks to go to Chicago seems like eternity, and the three days I get to spend there whirl by in a flash.

2007-06-11T21:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but why does every site have to have multimedia on it? I mean, I want to know who the twenty most hated celebrities are, but I don't want to have to scroll through a bunch of pages and pictures to find them. I don't want to watch a slideshow either. Nor do I want to watch a video—why can't there just be an article? Or a list?

I know my computer's not top-of-the-line, but I have DSL and a decent processor. That doesn't mean I want to sit and watch a video or something. I like to read—I can go at my own pace that way. No way to hold me captive, unless I want to be.

2007-06-11T21:16:00.001-05:00

It's been a while, again. I still primarily update at my LiveJournal, but for the two of you (if even that many) who still lurk around here, well, here's a quick rundown:

1. I went to Chicago to visit Adam the first weekend in May.
2. It was during that trip that I started making concrete plans about moving/living there.
3. I took Aidan to visit my mom for Mother's Day. Got a flat tire on the way home. Went back to my mom's for an extra night.
4. Check engine light came on in the car, and went off randomly.
5. Went to Indianapolis with three of my co-workers for a copy editor's convention. It was neat, and the weather was perfect.
6. Went to San Jose/San Francisco during Memorial Day weekend for Rosa's wedding. It was awesome.
7. Got my car broken into, my iPod and a pair of sunglasses stolen.
8. Fell into a depression and generally felt tearful and unstable for several days.
9. Quit writing about 485 times.

I also started a YA book review site: Ronni's Reviews. Freaked out when the check engine light came on AGAIN (this time it went off after two days). Felt out of it, lost, rejected, lonely, and hopeless. Not a good combo.

And that leads me to now. Trying to eat better, trying to be more mentally healthy, and EVEN TRYING TO EXCERCISE.

I need to get the bedtime thing down, though. My nightowl tendencies are frighteningly strong, however....

2007-04-27T21:05:00.001-05:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-04-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, huh?

I've been pretty quiet over at the ole LJ as well. Stuff's going on, but not enough to write about every single day, I suppose.

Here's the quick rundown:

Work is the same. Just work. Actually, I spend a lot of time reading and reviewing books for VOICES. THAT part is fun. Getting paid to read books all day? I love it. Although, I do miss copyediting a nice, raw and really messed-up proof. But that time will come again soon enough.

Winter's finally ending, but there is a bit more of me (like 8 pounds more) than there used to be, so I am hesitant to wear anything really cute. I have got to get this taken care of.

Reading a lot. Reviewing some books here: http://ronnisreviews.blogspot.com

Loving the movie Mean Girls all of a sudden. Good times.

That's all for now. Just wanted to pop in and say hi. So hi.

A Survey

2007-03-11T20:23:00.000-05:00

WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER BE CALLED

01. Babe or Baby: Baby

02. Sweetie or Honey: Sweetie

PRESENTLY
01. Is your hair wet? No
02. Is your phone right by you? Yes
03. Do you miss someone? Yes
04. Are you wearing chapstick? Nope
05. Are you tired? Not really, a little sleepy
06. Are you excited? I have post-workout endorphins.
07. Are you watching TV? No
08. Are you wearing pajamas? Yes

HAVE YOU
01. Recently done anything you regret? Yes
02. Have you ever lied? Yes
03. Ever stuck gum under a desk? No
05. Ever tripped over your own feet? Yes

TODAY
01. Have you sworn? Probably
02. Have you yelled at someone? No
03. Have you gotten mad at someone? No
04. Have you cried? No
05. Have you called more than 3 people? No

Q AND A.
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A: Yes, definitely

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: the playground

Q: Who do you like more, your mom or dad?
A: Mommy

Q: Do you have any siblings?
A: Yes, a natural sister. Two step-brothers who I never talk to.

Q: Do you want children?
A: I have a little boy.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Maybe.

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A: Yes.

Q: Do you wish on stars?
A. Yes.

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A: Nope.

Q: When did you last cry
A: I almost cried yesterday because Aidan was being so difficult at some points.

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
A: Yes, most of the time.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Yes.

Q: Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A: Mine.

Q: What color shirt[s] are you wearing?
A: I'm wearing a grey nightgown.

Q: Do you have any pets?
A: I have a cat. Little Lucy!

Q: What are the color of your bedsheets?
A: blue.

Q: What were you doing at 3pm yesterday?
A: Lying in bed, trying to get Aidan to take a nap.

Q: I can't wait until...
A: I get to Chicago again.

Q: Look to your right. What's there?
A: A stack of books.

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?
A: Yes.

Q: Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
A: Yes, plenty of times.

Q: Song that makes you cry or really emotional?
A: None right now.

Q: Are you normally a happy person?
A: Not really.

Q: Has anyone ever said 'I love you' to you besides family?
A: Yes.

Q: If Yes do you think they meant it?
A: Yes, definitely.

Q: What are you doing right now?
A: This survey, drinking water.

16 sections of my life

SECTION 1- YOU
+ Your full name: Ronica
+ Eyes: Hazel
+ Hair color: Brownish something or other
+ Siblings: Leah, my sister.
+ Tattoos: None, yet.

SECTION 2- HAVE YOU EVER
+ Fallen off the bed? More than likely.
+ Broken someone else's heart?: Yes.
+ Had your heart broken?: Yes.
+ Had a dream come true?: Yes.

SECTION 3- CURRENTLY
+ Wearing: Okay, um, this is getting repetitive. I'm wearing a grey nightgown.
+ Listening to: Nothing.
+ Located: My living room.
+ Chatting with: Andy.
+ Should REALLY be: Getting ready for bed.

SECTION 4- DO YOU
+ Drive: Yes.
+ Have a cell phone: Yes.

SECTION 5- LAST PERSON YOU
+ Hugged: Aidan
+ IMed: Andy
+ Talked to: Chris
+ Text: Can't remember.

SECTION 6- PERSONAL
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? Someone yummy.

SECTION 7-FAVORITE
+ TV show: N/A
+ Color: Pink

SECTION 8- DO YOU
+ Like to give hugs: Yes. :)
+ Prefer black or blue: Black
+ Sleep on your side: I change a lot.
+ Have stuffed animals: Yes.
+ Sleep with one?: Yes

SECTION 9- THIS OR THAT
+ Pierced nose or tongue: Nose
+ MTV or BET: neither
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek: neither
+ Color or black/white: Depends
+ Sun or moon: Moon
+ 5 acquaintances or one best friend: Best friend
+ Spring or Fall: both
+ Happy or Sad: Happy
+ Wonder or amazement: Wonder.

SECTION 11- LAST
+ Time you cried: Don't remember.
+ Phone call: A few hours ago

SECTION 12- CURRENT
+ Mood: A bit sleepy.
+ Hair: Down.

SECTION 13- WHO LAST
+ Made you cry? Aidan almost did. :(
+ Made you angry? Dunno.

SECTION 14- WOULD YOU RATHER
+ Drink whole or skim milk? NEiTHER!

SECTION 15- DO YOU PREFER
+ Gray or Black? Grey
+ Lust or love? Love
+ Sunrise or sunset?: Sunrise
+ M&M's or Skittles?: M&Ms

SECTION 16- ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
Are you currently in love?: ♥

2007-01-21T11:24:00.000-06:00

This is pretty much right on!

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have low conscientiousness.
Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously.
Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions.
Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseur of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

2006-12-31T21:58:00.000-06:00

01. Was 2006 a good year for you?
Yes, I'll have to say, for the most part, it was. It certainly was interesting.

02. Where were you, and who were you with, when 2006 began? And where will you be when it ends?
I was at Chad and Christy's house, at a New Year's Eve Party. Some of the people I was with included Kim, Ben, Caty, Christy, Abbie to name a few.

I will be here in my apartment, wearing my blue footie pajamas, and hanging with Aidan when it ends.

03. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
- Aidan, Aidan, Aidan, and Aidan;
- signing with a big time literary agent;
- making it through the year with no accidents or speeding tickets;
- taking huge leaps of faith in regards to my personal life;
- taking a chance with a new job;
- taking my first "road trip" all alone;
- reading more than 100 new books;

04. What was your biggest failure or regret?
- Not selling ONLY YOURS.
- CRUSH getting rejected.

05. What did you do that you'd never done before?
- saw Bob Dylan (twice!);
- saw Wicked;
- ate rattlesnake;
- visited The Grand Canyon;
- visited Philadelphia, PA;
- visited Phoenix, AZ;
- attended a Writers' Conference;
- took a ghost tour (I ended up taking six!);
- cooked a Crock-Pot meal;
- attended a Writers' Conference;
- started a debt management program;
- got a flu shot;
- friendship journal with Amy and Star.

06. What did you hope to do but didn't manage to?
Save money. Visit Ivy. Sell Only Yours.

07. Are you going to try to do these things this coming year instead?
Yes.

08. Did you make any major decisions? If so, what were they?
a) I became separated.
b) I asked for a dissolution.
c) I changed jobs.
d) I decided to wean myself off of the Lexapro. I am down to 10mgs a day instead of 20mgs. So far, so good.

09. Did you explore any new ideas or concepts you had never considered before?
Yes.

10. What did you learn?
That there is a lot more to me than I ever imagined. And that I like it.

11. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My friends tell me that MY behaviour does, because I was strong and taking charge and blah blah blah, but I have to say THEIRS did, because they've gone above and beyond to make me feel supported, loved, taken care of. Andy, Rosa, Ivy, Star, Adam, Amy, Wanda, Helen, Ci, I love you all and I am very grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for everything.

12. Whose behaviour upset you?
No names, but the people who decided to stop talking to me because of decisions I made with regards to my personal life.

13. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Traveled more. Planned more. Written more.

14. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Holding back. Keeping secrets. Stressing out. Worrying.

15. What did you get really excited about?
a) Visiting Chicago all the times I did. :)
b) Seeing the Grand Canyon.
c) Bob Dylan concerts.

16. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I know of.

17. Did anyone close to you die?
Grandpa Davis. :(

18. Did you attend any weddings or funerals?
Grandpa Davis's funeral in February.

19. Did you miss anybody?
Yes.

20. Which countries did you visit?
N/A. Dang it.

21. Which new places did you visit?
Ft. Wayne, IN., Philadelphia, PA.

22. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing unusual.

23. What was the best thing you bought?
All of my plane tickets to Chicago, and my digital SLR camera.

24. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.

25. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? the same
b) thinner or fatter? fatter
c) richer or poorer? poorer, most definitely poorer

26. What was your favourite film of the year?
Clerks II.

27. What was your favourite TV programme?
N/A.

28. What was the best book you read?
The Giver by Lois Lowry.

29. What did you want and get?
A DSLR camera, an agent.

30. What did you want and not get?
A publishing contract. Constant financial security.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 32. Bizzy came over and we ate spaghetti and watched The Boondock Saints.

32. What was your personal fashion concept of this year?
Jeans, sweaters or tee-shirts, my cheap Champion shoes. Or peasant skirts and camis.

33. Did you make any significant changes to your appearance?
I stopped wearing makeup, except for powder to tone down the shine. I began wearing my hair shorter, although that wasn't really my choice. BUT, I did stop straightening it so much, and started letting it air dry.

34. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
I didn’t really fancy anyone, but I did have a raging crush on Trent Ford for about ten minutes.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Execution.

36. What world event affected you more than any other?
Too many to get into right now.

37. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 29, 2006, for reasons I want to keep private for now.

38. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing outside of the ordinary.

39. What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
“My Love” by Justin Timberlake
“Sanctus” by Philip Riley and Jane Elleson
“What Goes Around…/…Comes Around” by Justin Timberlake
“Sorry” by Madonna
“Gotta Go, Gotta Leave (Tired) by Vivian Greene
“Believe In Me” by Pleasure Center

40. Did you fall in love in 2006?
I did. With Chicago. With pretty, dramatic sunrises over the Columbus skyline. With the American Heritage dictionary. With copyediting. With photography, using filters and lenses. With my little boy, as he grows and becomes the person he is meant to be--funny, charming, affectionate, smart, amazing. With much, much more, that I want to hold inside for now.

41. How many one-night stands?
Negative.

42. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don’t think so.

43. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I enjoyed “discovering” Bob Dylan, Josh Groban, and Justin Timberlake (again). Oh, and Jennifer Berezan. The Returning CD is ace.

44. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Selling a book!

45. What kept you sane?
My friends. Sometimes, I just don’t understand how they put up with me!

46. Who was the best new person you met?
Adam Selzer. He’s awesome. ♥

47. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Selling a book!

48. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Getting your dreams, it’s strange, but it seems, a little well, complicated. There’s a kind of a sort of, loss, and a couple of things get lost. And there bridges to cross you didn’t know you crossed until you cross.”

49. What would you like to happen in the coming year, either personally or in a more global sense?
I want to get better with money, and MAKE MORE OF IT. I want to finally publish a book. I want to write and write and write. I want to travel more. Continue enjoying the copyediting. Pick up some freelance jobs. For Adam's prediction to come true that 2007 will be a good year.

50. What are some of your personal goals for the new year?
Get a promotion. Publish a book.

51. What would you like to avoid?
Drama. Living paycheck-to-paycheck.

52. And finally, where do you see yourself in a year's time?
I have no idea.

* * *

Were you in school (any time this year)?
Nope.

How did you earn your keep?
McGraw-Hill for most of the year, then I moved to Zaner-Bloser starting in September. Still in the publishing world.

Did you have to go to the hospital?
Nope.

Did you encounter the police?
Nope.

Where did you go on vacation?
In May, I went to Las Vegas, The Grand Canyon, and Phoenix. In June, July, August, and September, I went to Chicago. In November, I went to Philadelphia.

What did you purchase that was over $500?
My digital SLR camera.

Did you know anybody who got married?
Holly & Robert. I photographed the wedding.

You know anybody who passed away?
Grandpa Davis.

Have you run into anybody you graduated high school with?
I talk to Andy all the time.

Did you move anywhere?
Yes, I moved out of the house on Bauer St., into my own place in Clintonville.

What sporting events did you go to?
None.

What concerts did you go to?
I saw Bob Dylan in Ft. Wayne, IN, and I saw him in Philadelphia, PA. In addition, I popped in on a Tony Lucca gig that was local.

Are you registered to vote?
Yes.

If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?
It's not a duty to me. It's a privilege and an honor. And yes, I did vote.

Where do you live now?
Columbus, OH (Clintonville neighborhood)

What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?
See Wicked!!!

What is one thing you regretted this year?
Spending too much money. Bah.

What's something you learned about yourself?
I guess I'm a lot braver than I thought.

Any new additions to your family?
No.

What was your best month?
June, and September.

What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?
- Justin bringing SexyBack. Oh my.
- Actually LIKING the damn Paris Hilton song (Stars Are Blind).
- Britney's crotch. Double oh my.
- TomKat madness. Oh help.

How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (lousy) to 10 (excellent)?
I'm going to have to say a 7.85.

* * *

IN 2006 HAVE I:

Hugged someone? Of course!!
Gotten into a fight? Yes.
Cried? Yes, far too much.
Smoked? A bit.
Drank alcohol? Yes.
Kissed someone on the cheek? Yes.
Reunited with an old friend? Yes.
Been suspended? No.
Let something go? Yes.
Been whipped? No. Unfortunately. ;)
Learned any important lessons? Yes.
Got a kiss on the cheek? Yes.
Kissed someone on the lips? Yes.
Considered suicide? Not seriously.
Cut/dyed your hair drastically? No.
Flirted? Sure.
Been backstabbed? Yes.
Missed someone? Yes.
Hit someone? Oh yeah. >:)
Broken something really important to you? Yes.
Cuddled with someone? Yes.
Broken somebody's heart? Yes.
Done something you really regretted? Don't even get me started.
Laughed so hard that it hurt? Yes.
Cried so hard that it hurt? Yes. Too often.
Got cheated on? I hope not.
Gone on a date? No.
Got dumped? Yes, by some "friends."
Dumped someone? No. More like stepped back for a bit.
Made a new screen name? Yes.
Lost a friend? Yes.
Gotten any tattoos/piercing? No. Dammit.
Watched porn? Hell no.
Been in a love/hate relationship? Eh?
Loved someone so much that it hurt? Yes.
Been grounded? Nope, LOL.

FRIENDS:
Lost: I'm not going to list them because it doesn't matter anymore.
Drifted: Can't really say because friendships are so static.
Found: Adam, my writing friends. Friendships with others have grown deeper, like with Rosa, and Wanda.

BODY:
Weight: Went up five to ten pounds. I'm now 115-120lbs. Eep.
Piercing/tattoos: N/A
Height: 5'2" ish.
Hair: Short.

STUDIES:
N/A

BAD THINGS I HAVE DONE:
- As if I'm going to admit them here. >:)

GOOD THINGS I HAVE DONE:
- Grand Canyon.
- Chicago, a lot.
- Bob Dylan.
- Raised Aidan.
- Debt management program (that means I can accumulate no more debt!)
- Taken a HUGE step.
- Got a new job.
- Traveled a lot.
- Let go.

THINGS I HOPE TO DO IN 2007:
- Sell my novel.
- Finish a new novel.
- Go back to a Disney park.

Happy New Year!!

2006-12-20T23:10:00.000-06:00

Wow. Another birthday past. Another year older. Miles away from where I was last year, this time. Always doubting, always wondering, always worrying. Floundering. But still moving. Still trying. Still hoping.

2006-12-16T19:46:00.000-06:00

Ups & Downs. Ups & Downs. My financial situation is like a see-saw. I'm trying to be as wise as I can, but the bills are coming quickly and furiously, and the income is trickling in. Thanks to the grace of a few friends, I've been able to make it this month (we'll forget about the skipping the phone bill and gas bill part), and I've been finagling with my doctors to get medications switched from Third Tier to First Tier/generics so I won't have to shell out $60 a month. Now, all I have to do is make some phone calls to the insurance company and switch my payment to monthly or something like that, and oh yeah, find a 2nd job to be able to be sure I will be able to make it from month to month and enough for surprise expenses.

This is hard. The money thing is killing me. I have no idea how to go about finding a part-time job that will deal with my having Aidan on the weekends. Ugh, the thought of waitressing makes me ill. But maybe I can be a hostess. I think I can handle that. I hope. I'll be heading out to the restaurants this week. *sigh* I hope they can deal with me working Tues-Thursday evenings, and Sunday afternoons. I can't do Fridays and Saturdays, those are my Aidan days are are absolutely out of the questions, as are Mondays. But, I think I can handle hostessing for 4-5 hours a night, for a few nights a week. We'll see what happens.

2006-12-12T17:13:00.000-06:00

alkdjhfadjkfnajdfhajlfdafhdjk;!

2006-12-07T21:06:00.000-06:00

Sigh of Relief!!

Seriously. It's so strange how things work out. But I'll be okay, financially. And I was able to get gifts for people.

I am very fortunate.

Amen.

2006-12-05T18:49:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to lie. I'm a little scared about the financial situation.

Let's just say the next couple of days will be very tense.

The worst part? I hate not being able to get things for the people I love. :(

2006-11-28T18:49:00.000-06:00

Thankful for...

1. Having a roof over my head, food to eat, clothing to wear, and material goods;

2. A perfect little boy;

3. Friends and family who love me;

4. Books to read;

5. A God who doesn't give up on me no matter how angry I get at Him, no matter how much I push Him away;

6. A job I like.

...for letting me open my eyes today
for hearing all the things that I couldn't say
for being strong when I thought I was going to break
for never letting me go
I just want you to know
I'm grateful....

-----------------------

I'm fighting a cold now, compliments of my little one. I've been trying to get a lot of rest, but not drinking enough fluids. The thing is--the OJ I got free from Meijer smells like armpits. Who wants to drink that? Ugh.

But if it's not spoiled or rancid or whatever happens to OJ, I will go ahead and drink it. Anything to get this annoying feeling of bleh out of me.

-----------------------

Aidan really wants the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for Christmas. After watching the show on Saturday morning, I can see the appeal. It's such a colorful and pretty show, perfect for preschoolers and their mommies who happen to like Mickey Mouse as well. :) But the clubhouse is back ordered 8 weeks! And the people selling it on eBay or Amazon are charging twice as much. My mother said not to worry, that she'll get it for him somehow. And the show really is cute. And Aidan deserves it. He's going through a lot now even though he doesn't really know it, and he's such a little trooper. He's been so great. So great. Such a good sport.

That's the hardest thing to deal with. Leaving him. I enjoy the breaks, but leaving him is hard. Last night was hard, but I didn't cry on the way to my apartment like I have in the past. I know he's okay, but I'm a mom. And moms always feel some sort of guilt. At least, this mom does.

-----------------------

I'm off to bed again. First I'll drink some OJ, then take some meds, plus my other pills. Work tomorrow is a tossup. We'll see how I feel. I don't have much sick time, though. This morning I went in with a fever. Eep.

'Til next time...

2006-11-20T15:53:00.000-06:00

Life's been pleasantly busy. Spent the weekend in Philadelphia. Saw a WONDERFUL Bob Dylan show. Got to hang out with Adam, which is always good. Ate at a diner, saw the Liberty Bell. From the car, anyway. It was fun.

Work is going well. I enjoy copy editing. It's hard to do when I am tired, though. I have a hard time falling asleep. My mind is always racing. Things to do, stuff like that.

Hard to believe that it's the Holidays. Just seems like I was at the Grand Canyon, and that was over six months ago.

Christmas this year will be quite different. I'll swing it, though. I'm excited to shop for people, even though I have to be quite frugal. I'm finally starting to get excited about the holidays. Before, it wasn't unexcitement--it was simply unawareness. Like, I knew time was passing, but I didn't realize how much time was passing, and how quickly. I mean, Thanksgiving is in a few days. That's insane. But I'm ready for my mom's dressing, greens, mac & cheese and gravy over the whole thing. Mmmm. It's been months since I've had that. Such a yummy, yummy meal. I will eat loads of it, and bring loads of it home.

And eat more of it. Oh yes.

I'm just being random here, really. Thinking a lot about things. About how crazy this year has been. My life is so drastically different than it was last year, and I'm pretty content with it. Surprised, but content. If a gypsy had appeared a year ago and told me this is where I'd be, I'm not sure how I would have reacted.

But none appeared, so that whole paragraph is moot. Ha.

Okay, enough. Later.

2006-11-04T09:11:00.000-06:00

There are some things I expected to happen, but still hurt a bit.
People shunning me because of the choices I've made.
"Friends" who don't want to speak to me or him because they're afraid we'll somehow "taint" them and their "perfect little Christian" relationships.

Then there are the wonderful surprises.
Unconditional love from family members, regardless of the circumstances.
Unconditional love and support from friends all over.
The ocassional feelings of peace that wash over me.

Then there are the unexpected painful things.
Crying over what should have been but will never be.
Guilt for taking charge of my own life.
Fear over what will happen.
Denial that this is my life now, and that I chose it.

This whole thing is a mixed bag of feelings. Relief, pain, hurt, shame, disappointment, fear, happiness, peace, doubt, excitement, guilt, surrealness.

But I will go on. And it'll be okay.

2006-10-26T21:11:00.000-05:00

Everything's settling down now.
Thank goodness.

2006-10-22T17:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so honestly?

I'm scared. I have to take some huge steps in the next WEEK and I'm kind of numb with terror. I've come so far, but I still worry if I'm jumping the gun. Making mistakes. Except, when I'm there, I feel at peace.

I'm procrastinating. Mentally, it's all done. There isn't a whole lot to do, but it's still overwhelming just the same.

The hard part is getting there. Wading through the guilt and hurt. Upheavels. Change. Change. And change.

But I'll make it. I'll make it. I will make it.

2006-10-16T20:15:00.000-05:00

Hold on, hold on to yourself.
Cause this is gonna hurt like hell.

2006-10-15T21:24:00.000-05:00

October is already half over.

It's going so quickly, and yet, it really isn't.

So much is upon me. I ~~hope~~ think I'm ready.

2006-10-09T18:15:00.000-05:00

5...4...3...2...1

2006-10-02T21:46:00.000-05:00

They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I'm going to be one strong mother fucker when this is all done.

2006-09-30T18:35:00.000-05:00

I am moving forward.

It's scary. It's exciting.

But it's what I'm meant to do. :)

2006-09-23T12:35:00.000-05:00

I miss Chicago.

And certain people there.
One person especially.

2006-09-18T20:10:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, I would have let a blow like the one I got last night keep me down for days, weeks, even months. Spiraling down, down, down into blackness.

Once upon a time, I would have retreated completely inside myself, and berated myself forever, listing all the horrible things about myself--repeating them over and over and over--until I really believed I was the worthless "bitch" I called myself.

But today, some of my fighting spirit came back. Is still coming back.

And on top of that, I'm well loved. It's hard to hide from everyone when people keep pulling you back out. When people care.

Can't beat that with a stick.

2006-09-17T19:33:00.000-05:00

&....

It's also hard when almost everything in your life is falling apart so rapidly that you wonder when the amazing thing is going to disappear as well.

And you wonder what else will go wrong.

And even though people care, and you know they care, your heart refuses to believe it. And you feel alone. So very alone.

I pray the good things won't fall away. Just seems the road to my happiness is riddled with pain and tears. Will it even be worth it if I get there?

2006-09-16T18:03:00.000-05:00

One of the hardest things to deal with is when you are bursting to tell everyone about something amazing that's happening to you, but you can't because telling people would not only be remarkably stupid, but could also ruin your entire life.

It doesn't make sense, I know. And it's kind of a tough position to be in. But I'll take what I can, and trust that I'll know the right time to tell all. I only know it's not NOW.

2006-09-12T14:34:00.000-05:00

Things I've been up to since my last post:

- Visited my mom on 9/2. She made me salisbury steak, mashed potatoes and corn which really hit the spot, as I'd been craving it for several days. Spending time with her was good. I *might* have her convinced to get a new computer and cable modem. I'll see, the next time I go up. Maybe I can convince her to take a trip to Best Buy. Speaking of Best Buy, I have $85 in Reward Zone certificates. I think I'm going to buy a card reader.
- Spent a week (9/3-9/10) in Chicago, my favorite city in the world. Ate a lot of good food, walked a lot, spent time with amazing people. Got to see my first ever Bob Dylan concert, in Ft. Wayne, IN (3rd row center!), and Wicked at the Oriental Theatre (front row center!). AND I got to meet a couple of the cast members. I also bought a new journal. So many great things happened during that week--I'm going to hold them in my heart for a LONG time.
- Started a new job. I now work at Zaner-Bloser Educational Publishers, a part of the Highlights for Children family. I'm a copyeditor now, and I like it a lot so far. Of course, it's only been two days or so. But so far so good! I do miss my friends at The Hill, though.
- Visited the ole girly doctor. I didn't dread it as much as usual this year, and it went fine.

That's about all for now. Check my Live Journal (http://lilrongal.livejournal.com) for a Chicago recap and pictures soon. 'Til next time!

2006-09-01T08:29:00.000-05:00

So many things in my life are changing now.

For a while, I'd felt stuck, stagnant. Poised, waiting for something, anything to happen.

And now things are happening. So many things.

I feel relieved, scared, excited, anxious, amazed...but most importantly, I feel READY.

2006-08-31T09:29:00.000-05:00

Um... just.

Yeah.

Life's funny. That's about all I can say right now.

2006-08-30T14:29:00.000-05:00

Oh man. I just found an OLD OLD OLD site of mine.

http://ronni.pitas.com

Man, I was really flighty back then. I'm actually kind of embarrassed about that site, so I'll just encourage you NOT to visit it.

~~http://ronni.pitas.com~~

There.

I have to remember to bring in bags or boxes tomorrow so that I can clean out my desk and cubicle. I don't have much stuff--you don't accumulate as much crap over a year as opposed to six (I still haven't unpacked all my stuff from Nationwide), but I'd still like to remember to take it all home! Especially my mouse pad and wrist rest. I've already emailed a boatload of stuff to myself--I'm pretty sure I got everything most important.

I'm listening to Irish music now. Earlier it was Celine Dion, Josh Groban, and a random assortment of other stuff. I'm enjoying the Irish stuff the best.

-------------------------------

Oooo, so much secret stuff in the works. :D
Plus vacation coming up. :D
Only two days left in the work week.
And it's almost time to go home!

'Till next time.

2006-08-29T13:00:00.000-05:00

Well, just call me the journal collector, I suppose.

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I've been sitting here and shaking my right leg for at least an hour now, I'll bet. Yes. I am indeed antsy here.

So many things going on. Time is flying, but then again, it's crawling. Autumn will be here soon. Before I even know it.

And I'm looking forward to it. I always do before the SAD kicks in. September is one of my favorite months. Pretty blue sky. Perfect weather. That little bite in the air. The leaves.

Today, I am wearing a fall-like outfit. Brown. Lots of brown. I just felt in the mood.

You know what's beautiful? This:

I dare you to disagree.

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I don't know why I can't seem to remember that eating only Doritos and chocolate for lunch is a bad idea. It really sounded okay at the time, but I am certainly paying for it now. Ugh.

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I often wonder if I'll be able to truly relax. There is so much on my mind right now. So many things to be anxious about, to worry about. It's really silly, because some of the things that I get all flustered about, I can't really DO anything about except be patient. So, while trying to be patient, I sit here and shake my right leg.

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Here's the problem. I spend too much time waiting for things, rather than living in the moment. I get to work around 8am, and I spend all morning waiting for lunch, then I wait all afternoon for the workday to end. Then I get into my car, and wait at traffic lights and stop signs to get home. All week, I wait for the weekend to get here.

At this moment, I'm waiting for:
- the end of the workday;
- the weekend;
- ANYTHING from my agent on the status of the book I sent him last month;
- my trip to Chicago;
- a bunch of other stuff I dare not mention here.

When something happens that requires me to be in the moment, it's hard for me to do it. I actually have to FORCE myself to stop and stay present. Else I'll drift. Either to the next thing, or into my dreamworld.

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I am TIRED.